I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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