he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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