New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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