U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
