Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
