Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
