Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
