I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
