Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
