I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize