Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Oh god it's open bar.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
