i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
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