She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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