well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I think my fart just growled at me.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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