I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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