: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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