my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
