Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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