to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
