Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
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