we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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