I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
