We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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