So drunk its hurt
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I need to align my fucking chakras
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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