Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
