tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize