look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Randomize