I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
