she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
