Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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