absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I AM VODKA MAN
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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