He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
