Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
