My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
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