When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
PANTIES FOUND
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
