Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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