I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize
