the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
