I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
