youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
