i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
