I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
