I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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