The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
