Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
