I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
