So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
