Can Purell be used as lube?
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
