The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
