Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Your dad touched me again.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
i think my cat just said my name.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize