There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
