i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
