Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
