So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize