Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
