no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
