Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
