so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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