Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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