This is not my ceiling
I'm jealous of your bromance
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
They have beer where we have blood.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
