I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize