i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
