dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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