I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
