i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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