The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
