I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Farmville is her only friend.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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