ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
