Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Dick very happy bro
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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