omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
