Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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