My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I love you. Go after that dick
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
