A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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