After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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