you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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